November 10, 2020

Oof. I’m Scared.

by christopherabdo

Ooof, I'm Scared. 

I've undertaken a challenge: I'll be writing 30 posts in 30 days. The funny thing about this challenge is that it feels easy. I sit down to write and everything is just pouring out of me. It's like I've needed to do this for years and finally hit a tipping point and now I'm just listening to my soul and doing it. 

UGH the brutally-honest-business-pragmatist inside me is gagging right now. That's the hard part. That's the part of me I've been listening to for years, while making just a few square inches of space for this strong feeling inside me that I need to share this message through Common Garden Ground. Well now I'm making more room and...

OOF. I have to be honest here. I'm pretty scared. 

There is a story in my head that I really, really shouldn't start this website. It goes like this: 

"Chris, you are not at the place yet financially where you can start devoting time and energy to something that doesn't make any money, that you don't even necessarily want to make money with and that's mostly from a burning desire to help others." 

"You will not survive if you take a moment away from goals that actually pay the bills". 

And so on. 

For years, I've been looking at blogs, videos, books, you-name-it on permaculture, non-violent communication, urban gardening, self-development, natural movement, psychology, nutrition etc. and seeing a role left unfilled. 

I'm seeing how by simply engaging in a garden, lots of others "problems" start going away...well not exactly. For me, lots of problems started to go away because I addressed a deeply need universal human need for interacting with nature in a more intimate way.

Think about it: for all of time, nearly ALL humans gardened, farmed or foraged in some way. We need that back, but in a way that works for today. 

So there is a very strong possibility, at least from the mountains of evidence (that I so don't even have time to get into right now) that I've seen so far, that many of us are experiencing some kind of chronic and ultimately unnecessary pain in our life (or in my case, several) that are all symptoms of an underlying root cause: getting to our roots. No really, beet roots (or Jerusalem Artichoke roots which I've yet to try). 

I've been constantly writing articles in my head about what I believe needs to be said: the garden can help us connect to things we need, but that we don't know we need.

For years, everywhere I turn, I see that I need to say something, to help, to move forward. I even knew what I would do to do that. Start this website. 

There was only one problem though: I would have to take a step back from my current business to make time to start this. That triggers a whole hell of a lot of fear in me. I'm afraid of doing things that don't (or at least won't for quite some time) pay the bills. 

The problem is, both of these streams of thought will NOT go away. The stream of messages I need to share on how to get everything that is good from nature, and give goodness back to nature and each other, and the stream of thoughts saying I really shouldn't spread myself too thin and try to do more than just my music business right now...they are here to stay it looks like. 

On the one hand, I felt tremendous relief when I finally sat down, got this website up, and let all the writing inside me start pouring out. On the other hand, I have no idea where this will go, I know in my gut it's the right decision, but it still feels stupid and risky at the same time. 

So when do you listen to something that is calling you forward? When is the time to do it?

I'm curious if you've ever felt this way before, have you ever had a deep calling to do something for its own sake? What did you learn? 

I want to move closer to nature. I've made tremendous progress (at least for me) towards that, and I want to share what I've learned and learn from others too.  Here's my first (public) attempt. I wonder if you'll join me in some way? 

If you did join me in some way, I wonder what deeper needs you'd want to fulfill through nature? 

A need for natural movement? 

A need for nutritious food? 

A need for beauty? 

A need for peace? 

A need to get out of your head and into your senses? 

A need to be a creature in an ecosystem, so that for a moment you are  free from the dizzingly complex society we live in today? 

A way to connect with others? (think a mother planting seeds with her child, friends foraging in the woods,) 

Let me know. I'm right there with you. 


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